COVID and Stress During The Holidays
You wear a mask in public, wash your hands frequently and maintain social distancing. But what do you do when your family and friends don’t follow the same COVID safety protocols?
With the rise of new COVID variants, it can seem like the pandemic is going to go on forever. As public health recommendations are continually updated it can be confusing to keep straight and make family gatherings and social interactions challenging. You may have different health beliefs than your family which can cause strain on the relationship and add to an already stressful season.
Here are some useful ways to help manage these interactions and reduce stress for these holidays.
How does their behavior affect you?
Consider where your loved one’s behavior falls on the spectrum of your relative safety.
If someone is not taking COVID seriously, how is that affecting your life?
If it’s someone you rarely see, such as a long-distance relative or former college roommate, it’s probably not worth addressing your concerns.
If they’re not following guidelines, and you won’t seem them frequently, there isn’t much value in trying to convince them.
However, if the loved one lives nearby or is someone you’d like to see in person, you may want to engage them more directly and explain how you feel.
It all boils down to is how their behavior affects you -- and developing civil ways to communicate your needs without trying to convince them of something.
How to communicate effectively
Try using “I” statements rather than “you” statements when discussing COVID safety. For example, you might say something like, “I value wearing a mask for everyone’s health and safety. When you don’t wear one, it makes me uncomfortable. Would you be willing to wear a mask when we get together?”
If they say no, you may need to reevaluate how you spend time with them – perhaps you set up a virtual get-together instead.
Everyone has the right to believe whatever they want, even if it conflicts with mainstream science. But when that impacts your life and boundaries, it’s important to express your feelings around these issues. Be clear about what you’re comfortable with and enforce your boundaries.
Celebrating the holidays during COVID
If you know your family or friends aren’t taking protocols seriously, you might consider not traveling for the holidays and arranging some remote get-togethers.
If you’re uncomfortable, it’s not going to be a good holiday interaction. If you have differing views of what’s safe, perhaps find other ways to interact. It’s about not avoiding a problem – it’s setting yourself up for success. If you know people will be stubborn, you’re setting yourself up for failure.
Communicate with family and friends ahead of time so you know where they stand on the issues.
Try to be compassionate. People respond to threats and challenges in different ways.
But remember, it’s healthy and smart to set boundaries.
Make sure you’re aligned with your personal values. People might feel sad when you set boundaries or decline to visit, but you have to prioritize your and your household’s health and well-being.
Have a plan when meeting in person
It’s good to have a plan when meeting someone outside your immediate family.
It’s really important to be on the same page with people in your household. Just like you’d have a discussion about what to do if there was a fire in your home, talk about COVID safety.
Then, talk with the people you plan to see who live outside your household. Let them know you’re taking COVID seriously and ask if they’ll follow social distancing hand-washing and mask guidelines.
If you go for a visit and are in a situation where your boundaries are being violated, diplomatically and firmly communicate your boundaries.
Be polite, but communicate that this is different than what you expected. You could say, “In light of everything that’s happening, we don’t think there are enough precautions for our family to engage and be safe.”
If they still don’t take COVID guidelines seriously, you can politely leave.
You’re perfectly within your right to do so. It all comes back to communication. Ensure persons close to you that you love them, but also value safety and health as a top priority. When you frame it that way, it’s less about hurting your loved one’s feelings and more about protecting your well-being.
White Pine Therapy is committed to providing the best mental health counseling through telehealth in Georgia. With a decade of experience, Mark Flanagan, LCSW is passionate about helping others feel better and more effective. No matter what you are going through, know that you are not alone. Call or email today to setup your free 30-minute consultation.
